Read and learn, you so-called Ford "experts"

[Nick Short]

I thought I knew a little bit about Aussie Fords (at least not bad for a Pom), but I had to defer to the awesome knowledge and mind power of my mate's next door neighbour today. Move over Graeme, you're no longer top dog when it comes to knowledge (and this guy's never even BEEN to Australia........

I pulled up in the Cobra at my mate's house and his neighbour was in the front garden. He came out and said "No no no no, that's s***, did you just get that? You won't get good economy from that you know. What is it, a 3 litre V6? Doesn't sound like a V8. That's an American Capri. There's a bloke in Summertown who's had loads of those, in all different colours. Falcon? No, it's like a Pontiac. Them and the Mustang used the same body, and they were just Capris with another name for the Americans." He looked inside. "Yes, see the handbrake? That's definitely a Ford. And the lights are the same as a Capri". He then walked round the back, saw the boot badge, and said "Cobra, is it? AC Cobra? That's a kit car. What diff did you put on it? A Ford diff? That's s***, you should have put a Jag diff on it. You know they can't handle, don't you? All show and no go, that's the thing with these Pontiacs and Mustangs. Can't go round corners. Let's have a look at the engine then. Yes, see - a V6 [despite 8 plug leads...]. They don't rev over 2000. Lazy, y'see. No power. I don't know what the bloke who sold it to you said, but what you've got there is a Capri. You can fit the big V6s to them if you weld it right"..........

So there you have it. A masterclass in the Ford Falcon Cobra, a Capri that is the same as a Pontiac.

[stevelb1]

Nick,

That the type of person you need as a partner in a game of "Trivial Pursuit". He sounds like a real gem.

[zeitgeist]

I always figured those extra two plug leads were just for show. So the Cobra was just a poser car, after all.

If you want to rid yourself of the abomination, Nick, please drive it to the nearest container ship headed west.

Pontiac..... sheesh.

BC

[Nick Short]

He once owned a rusty Mk 2 Cortina, so he knows everything there is to know about Fords from around the world. Have you heard of a "Holleyberry" carbie? Neither had I, but it can't have been imbecility, as he's an expert. Oh yes, and my back axle is "identical" to the one on his Cortina (and presumably Capris as well). He talked to me as though I was an idiot and didn't know my own car, and seemed mildly irritated when I suggested that perhaps it was Australian and a bit big for a Capri. He impatiently refuted EVERYthing I said, including the fact that Cobras are supposed to have blue stripes and it wasn't just something I'd sprayed on to "show off".

Zeitgeist, although I'm ashamed to be driving such a heap of s***, I will hang onto it for a bit longer.......

[gazzr1100]

ROTFLMAO. Bloody hell, i'm a Holden guy, and my Ford knowledge isn't the greatest, but even I can tell a Capri from a Cortina from an XC Cobra from a Mustang from Pontiac, lmao. I'm assuming that the 'Holleyberry' carbie is only a 2bbl, and looks something like this ( . )( . ), oh and only comes in black, ROTFLMAO.
Cheers
Gazzr

[GSXR1]

:D Top story!

We occasionally have this type of expert come into the shop I work at, and it is so hard to keep a straight face while they ramble on - the more you try and suggest they might possibly be mistaken the more hardcore they become - sometimes it's easier to just nod and go along with them...
:p

[Malik]

LMAO!!!!... that's hilarious.

[Road Runner 72]

Originally posted by GSXR1
:D Top story!

We occasionally have this type of expert come into the shop I work at, and it is so hard to keep a straight face while they ramble on - the more you try and suggest they might possibly be mistaken the more hardcore they become - sometimes it's easier to just nod and go along with them...
:p

Dito Yes just Nod and let them go.

Thanks for the top story Nick.

Cheers

Mike

[Esses]

Nick, you should've been more diplomatic & just SNOTTED the guy. Better still, run over him & let him see the back axle & "V6" from underneath!:D Sorry, just the rough Transport Worker coming out in me, I've just been watching "Convoy". :D 10-4, Good Buddy.

[ferrari fan]

Maybe Paull would be able to relate to this 'Expert" and show him the way with some serious educational lessons.
Every town has at least one.

[wayno]

great stuff!!!!! There's heaps of these guys around. I always seem to get stuck just behind one at any motorsport event. The I get glared out all day by the moron in question when he can't work out why my mates and I are rolling around the ground with tears in our eyes.

[Nick Short]

I figured it would be a lot funnier if I just nodded and said "oh, really?" to his various gems of wisdom. That way he thinks he's displaying his expertise and keeps coming up with more gems. As you all seem to have found, there's ALWAYS someone like that, and they "know" that Cobras sometimes came with red stripes, that if it has a 4.9 it's a fake. Or any other topic you care to name. I loved the "Holleyberry" carbie, as you could see in his eyes for a fraction of a second afterwards he knew he had got it wrong, but he was in full flow and nothing was going to stop him, apart from me driving away. When I told him I'd paid only $6000 for it he nodded, and said "yes, that's all they're worth".......I guess there are just too many gutless Pontiacs these days - nobody wants them.

[Vanpyre57]

well now who's a silly boy then
Ya should have cranked it up and lit it up down the road and shown him what an AUSSIE v6 goes like

[Nick Short]

That's exactly what I did, but I haven't seen him since to find out what he thought. The Cobra has minimal silencing (a custom stainless twin system), which, combined with the high compression, high-lift engine, makes an "interesting" noise! And the bangs and crackling on throttle lift off probably scared his dog. With the old Holleyberry on it there would have been flames as well on the overrun, but you can't have everything.

[Graeme]

Is this a case of 'truth is better than fiction' or Ripley's 'believe it, or not' ?

As for the 'Holleyberry' carburettor, this is a mythical device - not to be confused with the Energy Polarizer, which actually does exist, but for what purpose ? - that reputedly reacted with the male physiology to bring out the beast in every bad boy driver.

In the real world, there is an item called the 'Halle Berry' and although it is only a single-throat device, it nevertheless has remarkable twin float chambers and in testing, it's affect on the male physiology has proved to be similar to the above... just ask John Travolta, Hugh Jackman, or Billy-Bob Thornton.

[stevelb1]

Graeme,

It still puzzles me why they persist in putting the inlet port so close to the outlet port, and the "Halle Berry" devse is no execption, I think the size of the twin float chamber come standard on this model as opposed to the "Pamela Anderson" model which are custom ordered and work every well for the whoaaaa factor. Tommy Lee has in the past driven with the custom floats and was very impressed with the performance they gave.

[Richard Poole]

Come on guys, keep it clean. :p

[the_goldie]

Hilarious Greame and stevelb1!!!

[XR8]

I've always liked those Pontiacs.

What a dreamer........

Ed :)

[V8SS]

Thats brilliant Nick. He sounds like he could be a character out of a Harry Enfield episode.

[GSXR1]

Now I might be wrong because I'm certainly no expert when it comes to electrical systems, but I remember going to the drags one night with a couple of mates and overheard this 'expert' talking about a battery powered dragster.

According to him someone had developed a Top Fuel car with an electric motor that did quarter-mile passes in just over three (3) seconds with a terminal speed somewhere between 550 & 600 kph!!! He was totally serious when he was telling his friends about it, but me and my mates could hardly contain our laughter:D

[stevelb1]

GSXR1

How could it be a Top Fueler if it had an electric motor

[GSXR1]

Without being too pedantic, I'm pretty sure he meant that style of dragster ie rail car not a sedan

[Nick Short]

To give you a bit more info on this guy (and I can assure you Graeme I reported the "conversation" as verbatim as possible), he sits from about 10am to maybe 11pm in a small 2x2.5 metre shed at the bottom of his garden talking about radio equipment to similar blokes on his CB. And he's an expert on that as well.

[wayno]

Wouldn't be single and own an anorak by any chance would he?

[Nick Short]

Surprisingly not! When I first saw him, some years ago, he used to sit in the pub on his own all night, but now he lives with a woman who amazingly is the same width as she is tall. And between them they have 3 feral ginger children. I guess I'd sit in my shed for hours if I was him. And also read up everything there is to know about Fords.

[wayno]

Sounds like he's being punished for some sin in a past life.

[Leigh]

Originally posted by Nick Short
And between them they have 3 feral ginger children.
...are you picking on us blood nuts?;)

If I wasn't so serious, I might get offended...

[a9x]

Originally posted by lcfp2297
...are you picking on us blood nuts?;)

If I wasn't so serious, I might get offended...
me too!
it's a good thing he's so far away or he'd be in big trouble nick would be beaten like a redheaded stepchild:D

[Nick Short]

Apologies to all of you short of melanin. It was the feral bit that was more relevant - he's ginger, so would of course have ginger children, who would be delightful if it wasn't for the grime, runny noses, habit of gathering round and staring slackjawed whenever ANYthing happens in the street (like getting some bags out of the car, weeding the front garden, fixing a bike) and saying "What you doin'?" to every activity. And all of them have been blessed with faces resembling overmicrowaved potatoes. With ginger hair on top.

[a9x]

Originally posted by Nick Short
Apologies to all of you short of melanin. It was the feral bit that was more relevant - he's ginger, so would of course have ginger children, who would be delightful if it wasn't for the grime, runny noses, habit of gathering round and staring slackjawed whenever ANYthing happens in the street (like getting some bags out of the car, weeding the front garden, fixing a bike) and saying "What you doin'?" to every activity. And all of them have been blessed with faces resembling overmicrowaved potatoes. With ginger hair on top.

i'm used to the redhead stuff it's the feral bit that got me and now the over microwaved potatoes
:mad:

just kidding:D

[Nick Short]

Their faces would look like that whatever their hair colour! One of the most beautiful women I know has very red hair, so I can assure you I am not prejudiced, other than when someone tells me my Cobra is a Capri, and then I'd be miffed whether they were blond, brunette or a redhead.......

[zeitgeist]

Originally posted by Nick Short
and then I'd be miffed whether they were blond, brunette or a redhead.......

But probably offering a bit more forgiveness to the striking redhead. :D

As I started reading your previous post, I rolled my eyes and said to myself "God, they probably constantly chirp in his ear, 'What 'cha doin?' ". Thanks for confirming that dull-witted offspring act the same on other continents.

BC